Why is it, that I am still thinking about something that happened in 2009, after all these years away from teaching? The boy in my grade three class somehow haunts me to this day. I still think about him……here is the story.
D.H. was from a troubled home and clearly had been struggling for many years; even though he was only nine years old. And, he represents hundreds of nine year old boys, who simply never receive the kind of education that they need. After watching the movie “Adolescence”, I was profoundly reminded of the fragility of young boys and male teenagers, who simply cannot find a place in our education system. D.H. was known throughout the school as a difficult child and he was in my grade three classroom, arriving without the ability to read or write. He was one of many such students, that teachers, including myself, have taught. Several male students were illiterate when they arrived in grade six, and I know that this situation has not improved. I experienced this first hand at the feet of some of those boys, including boys who were desperate for some tangible evidence of learning.
D.H. was a special case for me, because we built an understanding over the grade three year. He arrived angry, disillusioned and anti-social. He frequently was involved in serious altercations on the playground and was often impossible to motivate. Over the course of ten months, I was gradually able to convince him, to some extent, that he was not a “bad boy”. I spent some of my prep time trying to teach him to read; and purchased a phonics game that we played. When I read aloud to the class, he gradually trusted me enough to sit beside me, as I used my hand to guide his eyes across the page as I read. He was no longer embarrassed and started to participate tentatively in discussion. On our field trip to Warsaw Caves Conservation Area, I partnered him up with the brightest student in the classroom. They successfully completed the outdoor education tasks and his partner was very kind. Ahead of time, I had already had the conversation with his partner; making sure they were comfortable and able to support d.h….
There are hundreds of examples where students were encouraged to team up with those students who were challenged. I encouraged everyone to save up boxes, so that we could do “box art” for a month at the end of the year. The classroom appeared chaotic to the untrained eye, but D.H. happily created a large artistic representation and then painted it. I collected large boxes for months and took them in to my classroom. D.H. was encouraged to work on his box art whenever he wanted to and I instilled in his mind that completing some of his class work would benefit him, before he disappeared into the paint lesson.
“Disappearing into Art” is something that I strongly believe in. My children were encouraged to do this when they were toddlers – paint brushes always at the ready, loads of paint, a small table with crayons, sharpened pencils, glue, boxes, play dough, puppets, blocks, clay and a pottery wheel eventually. Music and dance were an every day occurrence both in my home and in my classroom. I played Erich Kunzel’s CD which played a tremendous version of Richard Wagner’s “Flight of the Valkyrie” And ” RoundUp” for my kindergarten classroom, every Friday afternoon and we “raced ” around the room like airplanes or birds – your choice; with a grand finale of “RoundUp”, where we all rode imaginary horses. The final scene was an hilarious “who can do the (safest) best fall.”
I know I am not alone in my teaching style, but I also know, that my methods were unorthodox some of the time. Assemblies that were borderline chaotic where children were encouraged to be themselves, try instruments that were new to them and dances that were spontaneous. I received my fair share of criticism from those that believed assemblies and presentations must be “performance ready”. Although I agree with that on some levels, I have always felt that some of the music instruction I both experienced and witnessed was far too restricted and had WAY too many rules. Being told to just “pretend you are singing” or “quiet down.” That vision plays aggressively against what I believe needs to happen in a school assembly.
D.H. was asked by me, if he wanted to be in my classroom for a second year. I did not share with him that another teacher was in tears about the prospect of having him, felt that they could not handle his behaviour and convinced me that he was best left in my classroom. Although I have to admit a second year was going to be challenging, I also hoped I could really make a difference.
D.H. waited for my blue truck to arrive at the end of August……I found him waiting by the front door, believe it or not. He said, “I have been watching the school, waiting for your blue truck.” I hoped that he was somewhat interested in grade four, although he still was struggling to read. I was very happy to see him.
This is where the story takes a steep and nasty turn. I had already begun to experience debilitating anxiety which had grown into a rather large “black dog” (as described by Winston Churchill). I was unable to calm myself down and was numb for the lack of control I was experiencing in the public education system. Literacy Coaches had been poorly received and I had made a big effort to make these professionals feel at ease; with absolutely NO SUCCESS. Literacy Coaches were teachers who were going into schools to “train, implement programs and mentor experienced teachers”. The result was a school full of disgruntled unhappy teachers, many refusing to let the “coaches” into their classroom. Being one of the few agreeable teachers, probably because my language program was the strongest part of my expertise, I did not fear them. However, the residual affect of constant administrative interference was playing havoc on my mind.
D.H. took his place in my classroom and as usual the heat was extreme – about 80 degrees inside the school. He was a little fussy, much like a very young child, and this was a different classroom than last year. To add to the mayhem, administration had taken it upon themselves to disrupt the student numbers in every junior classroom, which meant new students coming in and a lack of leadership.
On the third day of school, D.H. had another incident on the playground during lunch. He did not return to my classroom. I was honestly more distraught than I realized. An hour later, I was told that D.H. had been suspended for three days; with NO consultation with me. Later, when I told my psychologist this, Dr. Burger said: “that decision was inexcusable.” Administration might just as well suspended me.
I got in my little blue truck that third day of school and never returned. I had to hold it together when I got home because I did not want to upset my family. This situation had been going on for many, many months and the suspension of D.H. crushed me.
Administration should never interfere in a relationship so hard earned. I have never been so disappointed with a decision, so slap happy and irresponsible. Shame on you.
I have written a song about how I feel. I wrote it 15 years ago.
Kathryn Kastner 